If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize