just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
