I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
