im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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