im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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