He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
