unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
