I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
