The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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