So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize