Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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