you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
