Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will pee on everything he values.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
