I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
