i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
