i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
tell me about the fingering
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