If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
