if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
