then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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