Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
love makes seman taste better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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