problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
