Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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