Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
