she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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