but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
