If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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