I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
