ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
