i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
