Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
