I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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