my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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