While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Randomize
