It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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