Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
