come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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