Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
