He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
