Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
