If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
