The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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