I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
