I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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