im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
