accomplished twins. life is a go
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
