I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
