Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
