and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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