i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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