I wannas sexs uuuuu
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
