so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
