I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
