the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
