nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
