So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize