Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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