My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize