watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize