i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
