Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
