I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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