I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
