Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
