is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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