I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
