My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
