Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
