As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize