Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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